Equality

I've never understood why women love cats.

Cats are independent, 
they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, 
they like to stay out all night, 
come home and expect to be fed and stroked, 
then want to be left alone and sleep. 

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Confucions say

Confucious say: "Man who runs in front 
of car will soon get tired."
OR
"Man who run in back of car gets exhausted."

No Smoking

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in
the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

News for Smokers

We wish to inform you that it is not you who does the smoking - It's the cigarette.
You are just the sucker

Yawning

The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawn
to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change
outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so
they must yawn to even it all out.

The New Man

A man was taken to court for stealing an item from a store.  

The man said to the judge, 
"Your Honor, I'm a Christian. 
I've become a new man. 
But I have and old nature also. 
It was not my new man who did wrong.  
It was my old man."

The judge responded, 
"Since it was the old man that broke the law, 
we'll sentence him to 60 days in jail. 
And since the new man was an accomplice in the theft,
we'll give him 30 days, too.  
I therefore sentence you both 
to 90 days in jail."

Who do men say that I am

And Jesus said unto his disciples, 
"Whom do men say that I am?"

And His disciples answered unto Him, 
"Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation
of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, 
the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch."

And Jesus said, "What?"